putting my stuttering out there

so ive been working on this here lately. not that ive ever really "hidden" my stutter, because lets be honest, thats not really possible. but there were definitely times when i tried to hide it, by avoiding or substituting or acting like i forgot what i was gonna say or whatever. when i feel pressure to not stutter, i tend to stutter more. if i just allow myself to talk freely, even if that means stuttering, i usually have more productive speech. when im in new situations, its usually best to just be like, "so i stutter. just putting that out there." then theres no fear of, "what if this person finds out i stutter?" i take the unknown out of the equation. however, there are certain situations in which i desperately do not want it to be known that i stutter, usually when my intelligence or competency is in question (or if theres a hot guy around haha). so this means that when i went on my job interview, i didnt want my principal to know i stutter. when i met my students' parents for the first time, i was nervous they would think i would not be an effective teacher because of my speech. when talking with other teachers or administrators or service providers, i constantly wonder if they think im less intelligent than them just because i dont talk as smoothly as them? 

the truth is, i am an intelligent, competent, valuable person and an excellent teacher. so what if i stutter? if i am ashamed of it or make it into a thing, others are more likely to respond in the same manner. so, ive been working on just putting my stuttering out there. its not like others cant tell that im stuttering, so i might as well acknowledge it and put myself and others at ease with it, ya know? 

as ive been doing this, ive been consistently and pleasantly surprised with how people have responded to my speech. a few examples: when i told my principal that i stutter, she was completely cool with it. she wasnt concerned with my teaching ability or anything at all. just supportive. and it turns out her son stuttered when he was younger. back in the fall i had to file an insurance claim and it had to be done on the phone. the lady with whom i spoke was incredibly patient (as i struggle a lot with phone conversations) and we had this conversation about how her grandson had started stuttering and how she knew it wasnt because i was nervous or shy or anything. monday of this week i had to go turn some paperwork in at the school board. when i went into the curriculum director's office, i was suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts that she would think i was nervous or unconfident and shouldnt be teaching in her county. i decided not to say anything about my stutter and just say as little as possible. well i ended up having to stay in there longer that i thought because i had to finish some paperwork stuff. my phone vibrated when i got a text, and she made a comment about it. we began talking about cell phones and text messaging. i figured that would be a good way to casually mention my speech, i just kinda was like, "yeah, i stutter, so i really like text messaging." she said she hadnt even noticed that i stuttered until i said something. then we had this cool conversation about stuttering. her nephew stuttered when he was little, and her son had a friend who actually transfered to his private school because he was teased so bad in public school. she mentioned that many scholars believe moses stuttered, which gave me an opportunity to explain how stuttering and my faith are so intertwined in many ways. i really enjoyed that conversation. and because i went ahead and said, "hey, i stutter," i wasnt so worried about when i would stutter, which allowed me to focus more on the conversation and just enjoy the beauty of communicating.  

theres more i want to say on this topic, but it will have to wait until another day. peace!