i was in atlanta in july visiting some friends and hanging out at my roommate's childhood home. my roommate's mom took us out for lunch one day. we went to a german restaurant near stone mountain. im not around my roommates mom often, but she is very aware i stutter. i still knew that ordering would probably be a bit uncomfortable. i didnt imagine it would do down quite like this, though. the waitress came to take our drink orders. i let them go first, and then i was going to tell her what i wanted. i already promised to myself that i wouldnt order something just because i thought it would be easier to say, so when it was my turn, i willed myself to order sweet tea, expecting i would probably block on the initial "t" of "tea." well when i went to order it came out, "ssssss- uh, suh suh swwweeeet t.......ea." i remember being somewhat surprised i got stuck on the "s." i cant recall if it was a voluntary stutter that turned real or not, but i tried to stay in it. however, i did avert my eyes. the waitress laughed and then left. i was a little embarrassed, mainly because this was in front of my roommates mom, but i decided to let it go (trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, knowing that sometimes people laugh when they are not expecting me to stutter or just feel unsure how to respond). but then, when the waitress returned with our drinks, she gave the other two their drinks and then as she handed me my tea said, "heres your ssssssssweet tea," and then left. i was speechless, honestly too shocked to say anything. my roommates mom said, "dumbass," and then excused herself to go to the restroom. i was dumfounded that someone could be so intentionally rude and ignorant. this was a grown woman, probably late 20's; i felt like i was still in middle school. i took a second to calm myself down (i was angry, embarrassed, and tense) and decided that i was going to say something to her, as i could no longer let it pass as her just being caught off guard. i really hoped that she would come take our order before my roommates mom returned, as i didnt want to make things more awkward for her. turns out, before she went to the restroom, she confronted the waitress about it, saying that what she did was rude and embarrassing and explained that i have a "speech impediment." anyway, her mom came back before we ordered, but i still felt like i needed to say something. i didnt want my roommate, her mom, or the waitress to think that i couldnt stand up for myself just because i stutter. so the waitress comes to take our food order. again, i ordered last. when i did, i purposefully looked the waitress in the eye (even though i was completely terrified at this point) and stuttered all over myself as i said, "im going to order now. and im probably going to stutter quite a bit. i would appreciate it if you waited and didnt laugh this time." man, it felt so good to say that! :) like i had just ran a marathon or given a keynote speech or something! the waitress backtracked so fast, it was almost humorous. she was like, "no no! i wasnt making fun of you. like i was telling her (roommates mom), i just thought you were unsure whether you wanted sweet or unsweet tea. people do that all the time when they order. i would never make fun of you. i have a two year old son who stutters. im sorry." whatever! there was so much that i wanted to say in response to that, but figured it wasnt worth the effort. i had stood up for myself and made her aware of my stuttering, and i felt that my intended goal was accomplished. i was walking on air, and to add to that, instead of my roommates mom being embarrassed or uncomfortable, she told me how proud she was of me that i stood up for myself and said something to that waitress. just shows how often i mind-read and underestimate people.
even months later, i still think almost daily of that experience and how it made me feel. when i get anxious over a speaking situation or have thoughts of avoiding, i remember how good i felt when i stood up for myself and said what i wanted to say when i wanted to say it. dont get me wrong, i still avoid sometimes or stay quiet, but those instances are less frequent now. i have proven to myself that i can let people know that i deserve to be treated with respect. i have learned that the world will not come crashing down if i do have a hard block or if i tell people straight up, "look i stutter. just chill out and let me get my words out."
this is a good feeling!
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