ouch!

driving to work this morning, i was still feeling really bummed about the phone conversation with jill and just couldnt seem to stop beating myself up. i plugged up my ipod and decided to listen to some stuttertalk. i had a few episodes that i hadnt had a chance to hear yet. the one that i was listening to had kristen chmela, a clinician and pws. that was exciting to me, as female stutterers arent as common as male stutterers. anyway, so im driving along, just enjoying the beautiful sunrise and a cool podcast, and i was starting to forget about how upset i was. then the topic of breathing came up and i got real tense. the basic thought was that, "if youre alive, youre breathing" and it really isnt an issue in regards to stuttering.  it just felt like a huge slap in the face to me. something that is so real to me and such a huge part of a my struggle i felt like was just completely dismissed and mocked. i really took that to heart, which i guess in a way is silly since these are people that i dont know and have no clue who i am, but it just reminded me of how much i hate having to deal with it and how it is one part of my stuttering that i am really insecure about.  it is something that is very much a real thing to me so it really sucks to hear people shrug it off or joke about it. to me, breathing (or lack thereof) is a part of my stuttering and it hurts to hear people say that its not. i dont know, maybe im just being overly sensitive right now because im just completely exhausted, but it was painful to hear to this morning...